Actually, Mr. Benedict

Originally distributed in the email list Digital Assaults

“So why run?”

It was the first thing in the morning, and here was this reporter, right on his doorstep, and she was asking him that. Of all things, she asks that.

“So, it’s out, huh. I thought I got away clean. Damn. I guess everything’s over. Why run? So I wouldn’t get caught, that’s why. Do you know what this means? What it does to me?

“I’m finished. You’re here now, but I’m sure the police will be right behind you. I can’t explain it, can’t talk my way out of it. I ran. They were all shouting, identifying themselves, ordering me to stop. Have you ever been in that situation? It’s terrifying. I panicked. I admit it, I panicked.

“I don’t even know what I was doing there in the first place. I mean, it’s not like it was a habit or anything. I never set foot in the place until last night. Bob talked me into it. We had been drinking, neither of us had ever done anything like that before, it seemed like a lark

“God knows, we never expected the place to be raided. Place has been running for years, right out in the open like that, first time it gets raided is the one and only night I’m there. How’s that for luck?

“And we certainly didn’t know the girl was underage. I mean yeah, she looked a little young, but I figured, she must be eighteen. They wouldn’t let her work there unless she was eighteen. Then she tells us she’s fifteen. Can you imagine? Right in the middle of, well, you get the idea.

“And before I can react, before I can even comprehend what she just said, blam, here they are, yelling and screaming, waving guns. So I grabbed my pants and hauled ass. What would you have done? Stayed and let yourself be ruined? Of course not. You’d have taken off, too.

“I bet it was Bob, wasn’t it? He must have got caught and spilled the beans. Told everyone I was there so he’d get off the hook. That son of a bitch. It was Bob, wasn’t it?”

The reporter smiled, a grin bigger than any he’d ever seen before. I grin like the proverbial cat who swallowed the canary. And she said the most remarkable thing.

She said, “Actually, Mr. Benedict, I was asking why you had chosen to run for Congress.”





Originally distributed in the email list Digital Assaults


“Who are you?” The Interrogator asked.

“No one.” It came out in a quiet gasp. It was all He could manage now. It had been hours since He had sipped water, days since He had eaten.

“Everyone is someone,” the Interrogator stated. Its voice was mechanical but it still managed to convey incredulity amidst the clicks and whirrs of its central processor.

“Not anymore,” He whispered.

More buzzing and clicking came from the Interrogator. “Explain.”

“We’re leaving the system behind. No more names, no more numbers. If you can’t catalogue us, you can’t control us.”

“Your logic is faulty.”

“I have no logic, I am meat.”

The Interrogator smiled as it raised his arm and shot a bolt of electricity through Him, killing Him instantly.

It clicked and whirred as it filled out the disposal form, under the entry for name it put the word “Meat”.

Sorry About The Money

Originally distributed in the email list Digital Assaults


Look, I’m really sorry about the money.

I meant to put it back. Really, I did. It’s just, well, you know.

There was this girl, woman really, not girl. I suppose girl is sexist. Anyway, there was this woman. And I wanted to take her out. So I just took a little from the register.

Borrowed. I meant to say borrowed, not took. I borrowed a little from the register. And I took her to this Chinese place, you know?

But she didn’t like Chinese. I thought it was a safe choice. I mean, how was I supposed to know that she didn’t like Chinese?

So I took a little more from the register. Borrowed, I mean. Borrowed a little more. And I took her dancing. Nice club, upscale, live music. I thought she’d get into it.

She didn’t like the band.

What do you do, you know? I thought she’d have a good time. It didn’t work that way. So I asked her, what would you like to do? I asked her.

She starts talking about this little bed and breakfast upstate, and how much she liked it and the cozy fire and the big comfortable bed and she’d really like me to take her up there.

So I borrowed some more from the register. I meant to put it back. Really, I did. But she was just incredible, and we had such a great time and…

I didn’t know she was your wife.

I’m sorry.

Please don’t kill me.