Sorry About The Money

Originally distributed in the email list Digital Assaults

 

Look, I’m really sorry about the money.

I meant to put it back. Really, I did. It’s just, well, you know.

There was this girl, woman really, not girl. I suppose girl is sexist. Anyway, there was this woman. And I wanted to take her out. So I just took a little from the register.

Borrowed. I meant to say borrowed, not took. I borrowed a little from the register. And I took her to this Chinese place, you know?

But she didn’t like Chinese. I thought it was a safe choice. I mean, how was I supposed to know that she didn’t like Chinese?

So I took a little more from the register. Borrowed, I mean. Borrowed a little more. And I took her dancing. Nice club, upscale, live music. I thought she’d get into it.

She didn’t like the band.

What do you do, you know? I thought she’d have a good time. It didn’t work that way. So I asked her, what would you like to do? I asked her.

She starts talking about this little bed and breakfast upstate, and how much she liked it and the cozy fire and the big comfortable bed and she’d really like me to take her up there.

So I borrowed some more from the register. I meant to put it back. Really, I did. But she was just incredible, and we had such a great time and…

I didn’t know she was your wife.

I’m sorry.

Please don’t kill me.

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